How running has made me a better parent Part 2
3 running tips you can apply to being a better parent
Hello reader! Welcome to part 2 of this running/parenting piece. In this micro series I offer the wisdoms of running that I apply to parenting. I should add, this is in no way a promotion for running. (Totally cool if that’s not your thing.) Nor I am in anyway insisting that I have the perfect formula for raising a human. ( I literally shiver at the thought of such egoism.) Hopefully you can find something in these words that is of value to you.
If you missed part 1, you can find it here.
1. Only one thing
This is big marathoner advice, which I call ( or maybe have heard it referred to as) “only one thing.” When you are doing something as heroic and impossible like running a marathon or raising a person you can’t do everything. The advice goes like this— if you are running a marathon, then your goal should be to just run the marathon. Don’t try to get a revenge body so you can win back your ex. Don’t try to also make your mother proud, or try to lose weight, etc. And the main reason isn’t just that it distracts your focus, it’s because when the race is done, and you didn’t lose weight, or make your mom proud, or get back with your ex, it takes away from the accomplishment that you should be celebrating.
This is tough to apply to parenting because as a parent you have to do more than one thing. It’s practically in the job description! This is more for the reminder that when you are in the middle of a tough period of parenting to apply the only one thing rule. This is more to give you permission that when you are in the middle of a long season that it’s ok if you don’t also keep up with all your friends, or fit into all your old clothes. When you are in the midst of something so consumingly hard, give yourself the grace to know that for now, what are you doing is enough. That one major thing you are doing is what you should celebrate.
2. Moral Neutrality
Ok. I have to give some major credit to Margaret of the What Fresh Hell Podcast for giving me the language for this. What does this mean? It describes circumstance that is neither good nor bad, its neutral. To put this into a question. Have you ever left dishes in the sink? Or fed your child mac and cheese instead of home cooked meal, or formula fed your baby, etc and thought, “I’m a bad parent”? Personally I have been known to be the hardest on myself and words like this have definitely entered my mind. But these things are morally neutral. They don’t make someone “bad.” Just like the parent who spends their energy making their kids halloween costumes from scratch are not “better.”
When it comes to running, no matter how experienced you are there are days when your legs are lead, or the energy doesn’t come. Maybe you had poor sleep or any number of things. There will be days when you lace up and the miles you ran even yesterday can feel like a slog.
To do something hard every day means that some days are going to be worse. Having a bad run wouldn’t make me a runner. So why would having a bad day make me a bad mom? In these cases I can rely on the fact that I won’t always be at my best. But I can always show up.
3. Someone else’s hard is their hard
This is so basic it’s almost not worth mentioning. So why mention it? I think it’s worth repeating if only for you to reframe this for yourself. By that I mean that your hard can still be hard. It seems silly to complain to an ultrarunner about how difficult it was to run 5K. But if that is your hard, it still counts. If I am not a new mom anymore, or many of my friends have two kids and you only have one, it would seem ridiculous to think that you deserve help.
I have never been an advocate for complaining. I wouldn’t say that dwelling on difficult things is always in your best service. Simply recognizing that whether you a running a 5 minute mile or a 10 minute mile, whether you have one toddler or two, you are united in that effort. Someone else’s best in their best. Why compare? Why judge?
If you are a runner and parent I’d love to hear some of your insights in the comments!
Thank you for reading and stay tuned for part 3 next week!