Hello reader! Welcome to the third and FINAL post about the intersections between running and parenting. Next post will be feedback from you. So feel free to take a minute to share a few sentences about your experience as a parent-runner. I can’t wait to share them!
1. Exhaustion is temporary
As with most lessons worth learning, we learn them over and over. For whatever reason whenever I am sick or extremely tired, like kid up all week with a cold tired, a part of me always thinks, “this is my new forever.” Call this failure of imagination, or good old fashioned immaturity, but I genuinely have this thought.
When that does happen I have to pull from some other reserve. Inevitably I think back on a time when I did something difficult and came out the other side. Because I run often and it gives me the chance to be in a state of difficulty often, this is the reverve I usually visit. Obviously when one is running they are in more control. One can simply stop running. Not as easy as having a sick kid. However, running keeps proving something to me over and over. That no matter how tired I am, it will always end. Knowing this is why I keep running through fatigue. Knowing this helps me show up as a parent through the exhaustion.
2. There will always be limits
There are so many time, like really A LOT of times when I think- “wow, I would be such a better parent if I never got tired or hungry, thirsty, cold, hot, etc.” How wonderful and breezy everything would be if I never had any limits when in reality we are tragically mere humans. And yet, there is also something so human about wanting to overcome limits. Not only that, but we really value and admire the people that do. Athletes especially, because in some way they show us what is more possible that we could have imagined.
In no way am I against this idea. I am in no less in awe of record breakers of all kinds. It’s just a paradox, or strange balance of being a person, two things can be true at the same time. As a parent I love my child so expansively, but I also need a break from them. As a runner I feel enlivened by running, but I also hate the pain. Even when we surprise ourselves and break through, level up, a limit always exists. Ok, maybe not for ultrarunner or parents of triplets. But in general, while I test physical limits and boundaries, I am still so very very human. I do get tired and sick and hungry. Often all of these! Having limites doesn’t mean I have failed. Needing a break doesn’t mean I could be doing more. Sometimes it’s exactly right to be just human.
3. Kinds of rest
When I think of running and rest, I am really talking about two different kinds of rest. The first is obviously physical. No one would expect an athlete to perform without having their physical needs for proper food and rest and sleep met. Have you ever watched a sports documentary? Behind the scenes these athletes are eating the best food and getting constantly massaged! For a parent, especially a new one, sleep isn’t always on the table, but other kinds of rest are available. You are entitled to the expectation of some kind of rest that so you can go back in the game. And that looks different for a lot of people. But the main point here is that rest is NOT a luxury, it’s a basic need. Needing rest is not selfish. Read that again if you want.
The second type of rest is “to be free from anxiety or disturbance.” This is literally part of the definition of rest. And surprise surprise rest for me is running. OK, hear me out. I’m talking about a full break from phones, cleaning, errands, or anyone else’s needs. When I’m running I can’t tend to them, I can only be involved in running. This is the best mental rest I get, a form of meditation if you will. During this time, I check in with myself. What hurts? What do I need? Am I hungry or thirsty? Over time, I get better at performing these kinds of check-ins. How can I listen better? How can I give myself more of what I need? How can I take better care so I can take better care?
Next week I want to hear from YOU! What lessons have you learned from running that you apply to being a parent? In a few sentences, what insights can you share? I’d love to hear your feedback. I’ve got a lot of wonderful responses so far and am so excited to share next Thursday so keep an eye out!