Reader Feedback: Wisdom from Runner+Parents
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For the Love of Words is a weekly newsletter with creative and educational lessons and materials for kids 8-13, as well as writing on parenting and education.
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For the past several weeks I have been putting thoughts together on the ways running and parenting have overlapped. More accurately, on what lessons I have taken from running that I apply to my role as a mother. I continue to be surprised by just how much I have learned from running that I can use, and still think of new ones most days. Seriously, I have the notes app to prove it!
If you haven’t already, you can glance at previous writings on this topic here. And here. Aaaaand also here.
But after a while, I became so much more curious about the thoughts of other runner/parents. What lessons and experiences influence your ideas on the merge of running and parenting? This article is a collection of that outward searching and the inspired responses from fellow runners and parents on what we have learned from both these delightful and extreme undertakings.
I hope you enjoy!
Getting smoked by my toddler
Endurance sports forces adaptability, resilience and a long-game perspective. What does the race require? It's in the processes not outcome. Gutting it out training for these performance events aligns with parenting on so many levels - physical, mental and emotional.
-Nathalie
I ran five marathons before I had a bub and I’d say distance running and kids have lots of similarities:
Both are surprisingly more expensive than you expected.
Both teach you a lot about patience and that a lot of things are not under our control no matter how perfect your preparations are.
Nutrition and hydration are important but the occasional treat won’t kill anyone.
All the training/advice/gear etc in the world doesn’t really prepare you for your first and in both cases you need half the gear and you can’t return it after you’ve used it once.
If you thought you were worried about poop before wait till you have a kid!
-Kim
My favorite running coffee mug says, "There is no secret. Keep going." Running farther and farther distances continues to teach me this truth. There will always be parts of runs/races where I feel amazing and I totally got this, just like I can usually plan on encountering thoughts of "OMG everything hurts and I'm going to die." As long as I can remain curious about what will happen next and keep going, I can find the courage to continue.Â
As a parent of 2 teenage boys, I lean hard on this lesson a lot. The screaming sleepless nights of teething felt like they would last forever, just like my postpartum anxiety felt like it would never ever end, but it did and the kids grew up and learned how to read and ride bikes and now they're teenagers! It wasn't magic, there was no secret. I just kept going, giving it the best I had in each moment. Running helps me remember not to fixate too hard on any one phase of parenting- to have the courage to be a little Zen about the whole process, not take myself too seriously & run the mile I'm in.Â
-Dorine
One of my biggest learnings from running is that things aren't always going to be perfect. With running, there are days I feel great and hit my workouts and paces but then there are days where I feel like my legs are about to fall off. On average, I can see objectively I've become a better runner even if the day-to-day doesn't reflect that. It's the same with parenting - there are days that are great and that are awful - but overall every day I learn as a parent and I become better even if every now and then I make mistakes or I just feel too exhausted to have an argument about bedtime.
To me, the most important thing is prioritizing and fitting in my workouts wherever I can. I have a treadmill at home so I can run while my boys are sleeping. I hop on my (bike) trainer to catch up on movies and get an endurance ride in as cross training. When the children's father has custody, I plan my longer runs and more intense weeks - easing back on the weeks when I have the children so that I can spend more time with them. This, funny enough, helps me balance my heavy workout load and I'm convinced it has helped prevent running injuries (of which I've had my fair share.)Â
-Jana @janarunsfar
For me endurance running is about pacing yourself. And as a father of three kids, 9 year old twins, 11 year old daughter I have learned to pace myself with each of them. They all have different approaches in life and I have to adapt to being who they are and that’s where the pacing comes in at. My twins, Cruz moves quickly, so I need to be energize. London marches to the beat of her own drum, which I adore, but my breathing pattern has to be on point. And last but not least, my 11 year old Phoenix helps me rest and recover. She’s more of the whatever the parent wants she’s down to learn and add to her repertoire. And that’s how I manage the intersection between endurance running and parenting.
-Coffey @THATCOFFEYBOY
I became a parent one year before training for my next marathon—Berlin Marathon 2022. In the first year of becoming a parent I gained so much mental callusing and stamina that directly impacted my ability to mentally coach myself through long runs. I learned to believe that everything is temporary, the good and the bad, and that got me through numerous aches and pains, and reminded me how important recovery is. After becoming a parent I had a lot less time which actually impacts me positively—I now lock in fewer, but higher quality, runs with intention. Lastly, I ran throughout my whole pregnancy which I believe helped me to recover very fast from giving birth and made my body stronger overall.
-Des @DESI_RED
I’ve been a runner for over a decade but I am a relatively new parent. My son is only a year and a half so there are many lessons that I’ve learned from running that I apply it to parenthood. I think the biggest one is patience you know running success does not come overnight. You have to put a lot of effort and thought into seeing results and it just takes time and the same is true with raising a child. I know many parents can feel guilty when going out for a run and taking that time for themselves but honestly it’s one of the best things you can do you know personally for me I know that I am a happier person and a better person all around it if I am going out for that run and that’s gonna translate into how good of a parent I can be and how even tempered and patient and understanding that I can be with my child and ultimately, I know that raising a healthy child starts with being a healthy person myself.
-Lori @healthy_mother_runner
I’m sure there are many things. But one specific example comes to mind. Our daughter Amaia was colicky at one point, and even post-colic has had times where she refuses to go to sleep—much like every baby. But andrea, my partner, thinks that running really is helpful in those situations—you’ve got a screaming baby, but you’re able to focus on the goal, and push through that discomfort, and eventually get the result you’re looking for.
-Tien @TIENMAO
Focus on the future but pace yourself. It’s a marathon not a race.
-Johanna @jojosnackcakes
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you got something out of these wise and wonderful words. Anything you would add?